


Loneliness

by InWayTooManyFandoms



Series: you've probably seen it on my tumblr [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Loneliness, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 04:29:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15573792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InWayTooManyFandoms/pseuds/InWayTooManyFandoms
Summary: prompt:Could you write something about Kihyun feeling lonely within the group and Shownu noticing...





	Loneliness

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to emanate my own sadness, so this is uhhhhhh.h sad

Kihyun's not sure why he's down. But it feels like a thick fog has enveloped him, and it's harder to see the future in front of him.

 

He first realises something is wrong when he wakes up to get groceries early in the morning.

 

Kihyun's alarm goes off at 7 am, beeping and vibrating angrily from his phone. Rolling over, he turns it off before Changkyun, the ever light sleeper, wakes up. He does and he glares at the culprit and said phone, then plops back to sleep. Kihyun stretches his body a little, yawns wide and climbs out of bed. Grabbing some black jeans and a hoodie, Kihyun makes his way to the bathroom to clean up.

 

Looking at his reflection makes him want to roll back to sleep. He looks tired, his fingers press against his puffy face.

 

"Let's hope today isn't too wild."

 

Once he's outside he realises the sky seems gray, void of clouds but also no sun.

 

_so it's one of those days, huh_

 

After he's bought enough food for a couple days, he trudges back home with his hands full of bags. He quickly cooks everyone's breakfast, then goes back to rest.

 

……………

 

Shownu is observant.

 

He notices when Kihyun's spends more time on his phone that with people. When he plays games because it's a distraction rather than for fun. Talking to the other members less. He also notices when the younger is energetic, when he's happy no matter the situation he is in.

 

So it's no surprise that it hits him like a brick wall when he wakes up to find Kihyun asleep. It's just gone past 11 am. Eleven am.

 

The elder isn't sure how to fix it. They were friends for sure, but more like friends who enjoy their own space; they weren't really that close on camera, and it wasn't that different off camera either. His dynamic with Kihyun wasn't like Minhyuk and Kihyun, constant teasing, jokes, and annoying each other to no end. It wasn't like Kihyun and Changkyun, affectionate and playful.

 

That night he offered to help cook dinner, seeing the exhaustion behind Kihyun's eyes. Kihyun nodded an okay. He seemed distant for the entire day.

 

The next day he took the younger to the coffee shop down the road from them. He hoped to spark some energy into Kihyun via caffeine. Shownu treated him to an iced coffee and they stayed at the cafe, they spoke about menial things for the entire outing. The older didn't want to dampen the atmosphere with anything too heavy. He just wanted to see Kihyun happy.

 

He thinks, one more than one occassion, of asking the other members for help, for advice. But it never surfaces in their cheery conversations, Shownu wants to tell them but he's not sure how to formulate the words.

 

As if fate were his guide, a couple days later Kihyun had went out to film a solo OST, and it left a perfect opportunity to discuss with the other five members in the dorm.

 

Shownu clears his throat as he walks into the front room, "so guys. We have to talk about Kihyun".

 

"He looks so sad", Minhyuk immediately adds.

 

Everyone nods their heads in unison.

 

"He doesn't even get that mad at me when I call him small"

 

Shownu's relieved that he doesn't have to explain the ins and out. But he is also sad from the fact that everyone managed to pick up on it. They make a plan to each do their best to cheer him up, and to not stress him out too much.

 

……………

 

Ironically Kihyun felt the loneliness the most on stage. Even with the spotlight on him, it was almost like being invisible, hiding his true self from stardom.

 

A rational part of him knows this gray-ness will pass eventually, he will have to to wait it out. But lonliness is suffocating. He's tried crying it out, but no tears seem to fall. He lays under the duvet hoping sleep will consume him, but he's still awake hours later.

 

Sadness is still thrumming in his bones.

 

……………

 

Shownu came into Kihyun's room that night, around 4 am, when he couldn't sleep and knew the younger wasn't either. He had been keeping an eye on the younger's state of health, including his sleep schedule which seemed to be all over the place.

 

_**knock knock** _

 

A quiet "yeah" comes from the other side of the door.

 

Shownu opens the door and comes to perch on Kihyun's bed.

 

"Couldn't sleep", he says, stating his presence.

 

"Same", comes the voice under the blankets.

 

Kihyun sits up, leaning against the wall.

 

"I was worrying about you", Shownu adds.

 

"Why?"

 

There's a pause as Shownu figures out how to word his next sentence.

 

"Because you havent cared for yourself recently. Because you seem to be losing the light you once had. I'm here to help you get it back."

 

Kihyun sniffles. He knows the other had been trying to help. He knows. He's thankful. He manages a small smile, tears running down his cheeks.

 

Shownu hugs him tight and whispers "it'll work out in the end. I'll be by your side until it does and will be there after. We all will."

 

Kihyun felt cared for. He felt warm, safe, needed. He cries harder into Shownu's shoulder, finally letting the pain seep out into the real world and out of his head.

 

Sometimes being held by the right person is enough to heal anything.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to request something in the comments or on tumblr!!
> 
> love you all ♡♡
> 
> tumblr: @mxshowki


End file.
